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STATE OF ORIGIN: MIND THE HAS-BEENS

It doesn’t matter what code of footy you follow from the softy Soccer fans to the hard nut Rugby League supporters out there all of us have something in common – shithouse pre-game entertainment when it counts.
While it’s fair to say that what we should all be talking about after a big game like a State Of Origin series opener is the result (Queensland won by one) and the star players (key the Maroon stalwarts Cooper, Cronk, Slater, Thurston and co.) but what I can’t get out of my mind is just how bad the pre-game crap was.
This year for the first time since 2006 New South Wales are the Origin series defenders and it was a massive sea of blue out at Sydney’s ANZ Stadium to help cheer them to, well, defeat as it turned out thanks to their inability to complete a play like a fresh divorcee on the Tinder scene.
There had been concerns Game 1 would be harder to sell out than a Britney Spears show in Vegas these days, but in the end there were over 80,000 fans in house.
While that’s good for the game what it wasn’t good for was any supporter that wanted to put their bum on a seat before the stupidly late kick-off. I’m sorry but 8:25? That’s a long time from my first cold one at lunchtime is all I’m saying.
Did the eager fans who paid too much money to be at the game live get an international act to enjoy before the boys started beating each other up? No. Did they get a local music legend? No. Did they get a washed-up has-been from a show no longer running whose best act of late was on a bloody RT Edwards commercial? Yep.
Not only was Noll there with a strange ensemble of back-up singers doing an injustice to all footy players by jiggling around in jerseys, but he was supported by someone who incredibly was even more horrific than him to listen to.
There was nothing entertaining about what was going on down at the on-field stages with Noll and Ben Mingay, the name says it all, doing a bloody awful rendition of “We Can’t Be Beaten.”
I’m pretty sure both those boys could be beaten and badly after they came off field.
It was even more underwhelming than the last bird who promised to cook me a roast dinner only to serve up a microwave Lean f’ing Cuisine meal.
Over 80,000 tickets sold, all that revenue and they could only dish out enough coin for Noll? What a joke.
It was also sure to be triggering episodes of PTSD around the nation to all those tuning in with memories of Meat Loaf’s half-baked AFL Grand Final performance back in 2011 for which he was paid a reported $600k for. Sweet baby cheeses.

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